Princesses don't give blow jobs
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
