Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize