I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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