some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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