just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
