Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
bring money and cleavage
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize