Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
