We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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