That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
