Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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