Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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