He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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