I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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