He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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