Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
