Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
