i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
