Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
