sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i dont even know how to be here
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
