apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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