what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
ugly people sure do ruin things
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
