i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize