i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
