just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
