lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
