fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
BRING THE BAGELS
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
