Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize