I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
