I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
please come you make the beer taste better
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
