Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
i've created a new STD.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
