can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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