Do vagina's smell?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Randomize
