I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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