if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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