Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
