Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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