She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize