Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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