we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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