Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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