Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
