hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
