Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
