Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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