I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
