This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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