I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
