...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I had to cum in my sink.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
