woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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