Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
