well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
