so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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