I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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