awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
no, he came in my armpit
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
