woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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