I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize