woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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