I've blown a few things in my day
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I think pants incapable of making pants work
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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