Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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