oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize