THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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