I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
