bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
