Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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