well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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