Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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