if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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