Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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