Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
