i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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