Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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