Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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