Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
