I just threw up on my dentist
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
