so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
