babies were throwing up all over the place
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I think I just sharted jello shots
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