I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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