Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
