nut hugger
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
