when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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