marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
