The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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