masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
