I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
