trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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