I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
