It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just pee around me
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
