i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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