Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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