The maid of honor just puked.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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