WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
