i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
