My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
