Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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