You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
