Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
