your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
