I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize