life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
