Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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