And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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