Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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