Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
