hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
