we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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