R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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