the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Your penis caused this!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
