I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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