That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
