From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
