the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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