DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
