her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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