i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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