help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
