I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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