I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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