Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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