my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
