You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize