dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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